Original subtitles

[INTRO MUSIC BIT]

[HIGH TEMPO MUSIC]

ABBEY: You see thing about Lagos,

Is that here, you need a dose of madness to survive.

You are either born mad, achieve madness,

or have madness thrust upon you.

[SLOW MUSIC]

My name is Abbey Abiodun Ifeanyichukwu Owolabi.

2.1 Marketing graduate, yeah...

I'm just a Nigerian trying to survive.

[COUNTRY MUSIC]

[SOFT MUSIC]

You see, that was my sorry a** before I met Mr. X.

My not so book smart friend,

More than a fish, Mr. X gave me a fishing net.

From the church rat who fed off his scrap,

To a proud co-owner of this crib; an Island big boy.

My job is simple.

[HIGH TEMPO MUSIC]

From a posh bar in a cool evening...

To a mid-week church service.

When it comes to the fine art of pleasing very beautiful wealthy women,

I am your guy. But my friend Mr X?

[Pidgin] The Oga Kpatakpata of them all! The Babanla of...

[Pidgin] Thunder fire you there with your big head, Who is your boss?

You are back! Give me gist, she's a 2-minute woman eh. How did it go.

I wish.

My brother, you see this world is not our home oh.

All that glitters is not gold

Brian talk to me, [Pidgin] this one wey phylosophy done enter the matter. What happened?

See my-my hands are still shaking

can you believe...

[Pidgin] Talk nau, Brian nau

Can you believe, Lady Alex is actually Sir Alex?

Wait. . . Transgender?

Man, as in full man,

[Pidgin] Ehee! na lie..

You should have seen him in his boxers, sizing me up, grinning like an idiot.

Jesus Christ, you mean say baba daaaay...

I say complete, I am telling you... haaay!

Omo, I was out of that hotel in seconds like Usain Bolt.

Thank God you went with your car. [Laughs] Because baba for finish you.

Car that I only remembered when I was halfway home? Na lie,

Didn’t you hear I left the place like Usain Bolt? [Laughter]

It is not funny ooh, it is not funny I am telling you.

[Pidgin] No wait make I laugh my brother.

[Pidgin] Wait, so him comot this thing you come see...

[Pidgin] I see black- asin ... the guy na complete, I say complete man,

Let me get you something to drink and eat, then you'll tell me this gist.

What do you want? water or juice?

Omo at this time water or juice I don't . . .Kai Kai

Give me Kaikai Kai kai abi, you need something strong.

Please. . .Please something strong [laughter]

It's not funny oh stop it it's not funny

[Mr Adebayo] Madam

My team and I have been able to build an ideal brand strategy

That will not only greatly influence the perception of our products but also...

Mr Adebayo

Five minutes of utter nonsense.

May I remind you that the reason you are still here is because my late father was very fond of you?

Because I’m honestly beginning to think your time here has expired.

Forgive me Madam, my team and I will -

Please that's the door.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[FOOTSTEPS]

What is this emergency?

Is my son okay?

Our son

Harry. . . please, I'm a very busy woman

Fine I’ll get to the point.

But since you are in business then you understand the fact that the naira has plummeted.

For that reason, I will no longer be accepting alimony in naira.

Dollars will be more preferable

You want an increase?

Go to court

Ehn in that case I will simply move your son to a cheaper school

[SIGHS]

Well. . .How much is it? Never mind.

Don't you ever!

Swear you don't miss me eh?

Harry, is there any reason I'm here?

Cool down, cool down

Er anyway [Clears throat]

It's going to be our son's birthday in a few weeks time and erm he'll be arriving Nigeria with my mom -

Soon so um, he has requested that he wants to spend the weekend with his family

That's me, yourself and his granny.

He said that?

Would I lie to you?

Would it be the first time?

Ada. . .

Anyway, um, have him call me and then -

I'll see what I can do HOPE: Oh, finally

Is she pregnant?

With twins

Harry. . .

what? Ah ah you've left me for like two years now, I mean I had to move on.

Look Ada, we're not done here.

leave her let her go. Is that not the only thing she knows how to do, run.

[SCREAMS]

Shut up! . . .SHUT UP

Ada what is wrong with you?

Look, this is the reason nobody wants to stay with you

You lost me; I have moved on so suck it up!

Walk away from my money and my house

Then we truly, truly move on.

Old hag!

My friend you better respect yourself

Walk away. . . the Johnnie walker

Shebi am always telling you, thank God she didn't even slap your teeth out.

Eh. . .I don't know who sent you work that you're coming to show yourself. Sorry Eh-

Ah Ah - Are you. . . Me I want to eat oh!

[SLOW MUSIC]

How did I get so lucky?

Harry, I'm not going to get out of this outfit so please just. . . Don't push it

You work so hard, sometimes I just feel

Guilty

You're a writer who enjoys writing and looking after our son so please. . . that alone is priceless

I know, but you know, sometimes I just wish I could. . .

Do more

Aww...

I love you

Harry please, Harry no please if I continue like this baby I will miss my flight I beg you.

I love you baby, look after you

Call me? ADAORA: I will

Hello?

Yes, I'm on my way to the office.

No no, I'm on my way

She did? Okay let me check. . . 126 00:11:13,100: --> 00:11:13,927 It's not here

Oh my God, pray I don't miss my flight today cause it won't be funny

Please reverse, reverse

[Moaning]

Harry I forgot-

[ETHEREAL MUSIC]

Jesus

[Pidgin] Move nau Ah!

It's not what it looks like O, I-

[FOOTSTEPS]

I must have done something terrible in my past life to deserve those people

Something really dark.

We all must have done terrible things in our past lives

If not how do you explain the long list of douc bags I've had to deal with?

But it is not on you my friend, it is on them.

You know Isabelle, I've always wanted to end up with a much older man.

ISABELLE: Tell me something new.

I always use to believe that they were exceptionally kind, loving, accommodating and Harry was all of that

Or so it seemed.

Let it go

Ada. . . You have better days ahead.

Really?

Better days?

He chose my help over me, my house help!

Ada

She's pregnant, with twins

Yes, with twins!

Oh my God!

Men are scum!

[FOOTSTEPS]

Ada

I'm fine

The pain, worse than salt on a broken skin. . . Kai Harry is the devil sha.

Lucifer himself

He won't even allow me see my son

Move on he says. . . Move on how?

Ahh [Chuckles] Ada,

I would have to agree with him on that one

You need to move on.

And you think I haven't tried?

Try harder!

Hmm? For example

Get rid of this Maxis

ADAORA: Watin happen nau? ISABELLE: You are not an old woman

Unclip your hair, wear those sexy heels, show what your mama gave you. . .

Ehn? Go out, party hard, meet men!

Men? You mean another Harry?

There are still a few good men out there.

Maybe Harry is right

Maybe really, he alone is the -

Don't say that.

That man took everything from you

Don't let him take away your self-worth.

ADAORA: [Sighs] Chai. . .

Ehn? . . . I still can't get over the shock that a Nigerian court will grant a man alimony

Like how!

It's called maintenance, part four matrimonial cause act

Isabelle you're right, Nigerian men are too dignified and too proud to sue for maintenance

from their rich spouses but of course except Harry

Very shameless man.

I am the career driven woman who is never home

He is the good husband with a non-existing career who stays at home and takes care of our son.

And that gives him the right to stay in your house

It's my son's best interest to grow up in a familiar abode blah blah blah

Chai

And Harry gets custody

And then gets to stay in your house.

What load of crap!

And yet they couldn't wait to ship him off abroad to his grandmother,

While they stay back in your house to enjoy your money and luxury

Babe you disappoint me.

You don't behave like a Nigerian babe at all

Ah Ah! You could've just bribed the judge, I-I mean there are so many -

Isabelle, do you think I'm stupid? Come on nau, I have a son I'm a mother and my son's sanity comes first.

I understand your point.

But my darling if I had half your status and wealth

I'll be balling

I'll be changing men like shoes and be having loads of wild passionate sex.

Isabelle. . . You talk as if these men are somewhere by the street corners waiting to be plucked.

Ohh. . . Yes, they are

If you are interested, I can hook you up with the hottest of the batch

Premium Escorts

Escorts?

[Pidgin] It's not that kind of ‘ashawo ten ten kobo’ kind of escorts oh

Wait oh. . . And you patronize these escorts

[Pidgin] Patronize keh? Who am I? I can't but you on the other hand can

ADAORA: God forbid! ISABELLE: God forbid what?

God forbid what? Ehn?

They took your house, they took your son, they took your money

Now they want to steal your dignity for goodness’ sake. . . Ehn!

You know what you have to do?

Get rid of that old man, you will not die! Did you hear me? You won't die

In fact, let me get my phone

[GROOVY MUSIC]

[PHONE RINGING]

[Pidgin] Ohhh! Haba nau

What happened? . . . Take

BRIAN: [Pidgin] New client jare ABBEY: [Pidgin] Ehen?

Since when has that become a problem?

You know naw, I'm booked already, private session.

Okay. . . Then cancel or call in sick

No it won't work I called in sick last week, it will not look good on me because they will not like it.

Okay, then cancel your little side gig

What are you on about? There is nothing little about it oh

She pays really good.

My brother then it seems to me like [Pidgin] O.Y.O is your case.

BRIAN: Wait Oh Abbey ABBEY: Hmm?

Hear me nau, are you listening?

My brother I listen with my ears not my eyes, I can hear you

Okay look, the new client does not know me personally or what I look like. I mean -

No offence, you know I am more good-looking than you and even my ‘gbola’ is bigger than your own.

ABBEY: You are crazy, have you seen my ‘gbola’ to know I am learning?

Guy seriously, on a serious note, I can run one or two things to slid you in but on one condition.

ABBEY: What? BRIAN: 50/50

You are mad internationally

So I'll go and work finish then I'll carry fifty percent and give to you. [Pidgin] No o I for just carry the whole money give you

Okay so what will work for you then?

Ehen what we can do is ninety, ten BRIAN: Ahh!

ABBEY: Yes nau BRIAN: Abbey. . .

This your Yoruba-Igbo sense, take am easy naw. ABBEY: Okay

No seriously, on a serious note, tell me what will be perfect for you? Tell me

Okay you know what? Seeing as I am a generous person Eh?... Hmm

Seventy, thirty

That's fair nau. . . You are even thinking about it?

[Pidgin] Yes nau let me think about it.

Okay just because I'm doing this thing for you oh but hope she is beautiful?

BRIAN: What are you saying? Na correct babe, calm down she's a sweet girl

ABBEY: Not that baby dragon you gave me last two months?

That's history, sweet girl, a sweet girl. You are enjoying and still being paid what are you talking about?

No problem I'll do it for you.

[PRAISES] Man Abbey, my man! That's what I'm talking about.

ABBEY: Who won the match nau? BRIAN: Eh sorry - hello

[SOFT MUSIC]

Okay Isabelle I don't think this is working out as planned, um I think I'll just cancel we may have to -

ABBEY: Lady Sylva

ADAORA: Hi ABBEY: Brian

ADAORA: Oh...

Good afternoon

Good afternoon

E-Excuse me please I came to drop my CV

We're not hiring

Ehn that's why I want to drop my CV just in case

Young man, that CV will end up in a dust bin. . . There's no vacancy.

Er can I please see the HR manager?

Do you have an appointment? ABBEY: No

I'm just begging to see him so I can explain myself. Look I'm a graduate of the prestigious university of Nigeria, with a CGP of 4.8

Please don't treat me like I'm- RECEPTIONIST: Good afternoon Ma.

Is there a problem?

No, I er, it's just that you're really beautiful

Is that what you say to your clients?

No, just the beautiful ones

Hold that thought er waiter!

ABBEY: Scotch WAITER: On the rock sir?

ABBEY: Yep WAITER: Neat?

Err, yes

WAITER: Right away sir ABBEY: Thank you.

So tell me, how does this work?

First time? Mmmm

I see, Er well, it's your moment I'm here for you. Anything you want to do.

[CLEARS THROAT] Okay so... I'm not sure this is such a great idea so I'm just gonna call to- ABBEY: Do you like to dance?

ADAORA: What? ABBEY: Dance you know body movement, people dancing to music moving to music do you like that? I know a great place.

Hold on, Er waiter cancel the order. . . check please, thank you

come, come, come let's go. . . After you

ADAORA: Tell me you love me ABBEY: What?

Tell me you love me.

I-I love you

Say it like you mean it.

I love you

If loving you means falling for a stranger who is beautiful, gorgeous, that means I'm not just in love with you, I'm lost in it.

[CHUCKLES] you are lost in the wrong career; you should have been an actor.

I will forever remember this moment.

ADAORA: You're such a bad boy

ABBEY: Ouuuu. . . Man you mean? ADAORA: Show me [laughs]

This is heaven

I can kiss you all day,

And all night.

And all the days of my life,

Gorgeous is an understatement.

[MOANING]

Oh no stop, please stop, stop

did I do something wrong? ADAORA: NO

Sylva

I want to be left alone

No you don't

So you know me now huh?

HOPE: Honey?

Honey have you seen it?

Err, no I think I have to order another one

Did you check the study?

No erm. . . Let me go and-

Don't worry, I'll check for you

Is there something you want to tell me?

something like?

I don't know, since the meeting with your ex-wife you've been really distracted.

Least on my mind.

I'm just trying to develop a new character for the new book that I'm writing so it's sucking the life out of me.

Oh... okay, writers

Oh... okay, writers Harry: Yes HOPE: And um the agency for the new maid did you still call them?

Harry: Yes HOPE: And um the agency for the new maid did you still call them?

God I forgot, I'll call them first thing tomorrow morning.

No problem I'll remind you. HARRY: Alright, thank you.

What are you doing?

Shhh. . . Relax, just relax okay.

Hey . . . I could be

I could be a shoulder to lean on or a listening ear if you want.

It's okay to be vulnerable.

Thank you.

Mention it.

Be vulnerable but never before strangers, that's my father's favourite quote. He raised me better.

What do you have to lose? Our paths may never cross again and whatever happens here stays between us.

So... Escort, therapist, what else?

Hey, I gotta kill two birds with one stone. Milk this cow, I'm all yours.

Not too long-ago I... had a picture-perfect life.

Born with a silver spoon, raised by a doting father, got married to the most loveable man - oh well, so I thought.

Blessed with a child that thinks I'm a super hero.

You know, you're caught in that whole bubble and you think the world is a perfect place.

Suddenly, eclipse and your whole world comes crashing down. It's a miracle I'm still here.

Must have been tough.

It's better imagined than experienced.

And you? You must have had it rough yourself as well.

Why? Because I'm an escort.

No no no it's just that I- ABBEY: No no no, it's okay

Maybe I enjoy being with beautiful wealthy women, who wouldn't?

Hm whatever puts food on the table, anything to survive yeah?

Some of us are used to a hard life, anything else is a blessing even though it's short lived. Am I proud of what I do?

But at least it provides food, shelter, clothes and from where I'm coming from that's a milestone.

ADAORA: Wow. . . ABBEY: Yeah

Life is a bully it either beats you or you beat it. You're a very strong woman sylva don't let anybody tell you any different

Look at my baby girl looking all sexy.

The sexiest pregnant woman I know HOPE: Mmmm

You want some?

HOPE: You want some HARRY: Okay

Mmm...

HOPE: You like it? HARRY: Love it.

Okay

HARRY: It's okay HOPE: Okay

Oga, oga, oga what are you doing?

Come on naw Hope it's been three months; I miss my baby.

I know and I miss you too but the babies. . .

Ah Ah, which babies naw? I was making love to my wife even when she was pregnant, even on to the ninth month.

Your Ex-wife you mean?

Oh um yes, my ex-wife [Clears throat]

Look I'm a man with needs nau Hope Ah ah!

Oga, if your plan is to add another one to this two I'm already carrying, it won't work o HARRY: Hope?

Sylva?

Sylva?

BRIAN: Dollars?

As in she gave you Dollars as tip? What exactly did you do to the woman?

ABBEY: To deserve this kind of insult abi? BRIAN: I beg your pardon?

Brian I felt like, I felt we had a moment like there was something between us, like we had a connection.

I don't understand moment like? I don't understand, is it me or are you catching feelings for a client?

No, no no don't say that, she is not just a client she's someone I've met before. BRIAN: Ohh. . .

Remember the lady I told you I met at Sylva Corp? The boss.

Oh the one you yapped about all week, sorry, all month?

ABBEY: Yes BRIAN: No...

Wow ABBEY: So you see?

Good morning Ma. [DOOR CLOSES]

ADAORA: Hello darling how are you? Any clients today? RECEPTIONIST: I'm fine Ma, no Ma

Oh wow, you look amazing RECEPTIONIST: Thank you Ma.

Good, Oh wow everything looks sparkling clean, Awesome!

Or maybe I'm just the one overthinking this thing oh.

You know rich people naw, maybe money is her way of showing that the feeling is mutual.

Abbey calm down, just calm down. It was just a job and she paid in full nothing more.

You don't know that.

Okay, if she makes another request and it happens to be for the same man then maybe, just maybe you made quite an impression.

BRIAN: But then the request will come to me. ABBEY: No, no no, I'll take the job.

No, the last I checked I'm still Brian

Brian wait let us not have any arguments’ it's fine, I'll do the job you keep the perks.

BRIAN: Tips too? ABBEY: Keep everything, please

Okay fine, it works for me then.

I just really need to see her again

Okay, if it works for you fine. As far as I get, I get everything I want, me I'm good.

Brand new, that's the feeling.

[LAUGHS] That's good.

Life changing.

Sis can I borrow him?

And add to your line up? Girl, don't you get tired?

Anyway, I'll be needing him again.

Obiora's birthday is in a few days’ time and honestly for me to survive a weekend with that man and his mistress,

I have to turn up with my own man.

Same guy? Haven't you learnt anything from me over the years? Abeg abeg life is too short to be around one guy.

Let me get you a new bloke.

ADAORA: Isabelle. . . ISABELLE: No buts

This is your moment, just spread your wings and soar. Harmless fun, no strings attached.

Madam, I hope you don't lead me to hell one of these days.

[LAUGHS] If by hell you mean making men your puppets? You bet No more heartbreaks.

Yeah, no more heartbreaks.

So, you owe me a gift. Say a new car??

Hmmp! In your dreams. Abeg, bye

[SOFT MUSIC]

[MUSIC] Ahhhhh. . . You could call me crazy; you could say Amazing [LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC] But I don't mind, don't mind, I don't mind. This is just another day, maybe we should play the game* CLIENT: Hello?* I don't mind, I don't mind I don't mind

[MUSIC] No matter what it takes I wanna be by your side, by your side, So don't you walk away I wanna share my whole life

[MUSIC] Everything with you... It's all about you. Give me a second chance give me a second chance. Something is wrong. . .

[MUSIC] Something ain't right. We gonna fix it, we gonna fix it. something is wrong, Something ain't right. We gonna fix it

[MUSIC] Why don't we. . . Start over again. Mmmmm yeah, Ahhh, yeah Mmmmm Ahhhh yeah

[MUSIC] Just like yesterday when I saw you walk my way. . .And we here today, here to stay. Don't wanna lose you, don't wanna lose you

[MUSIC] Don't wanna lose you, don't wanna lose you. . . No matter what it takes I wanna be by your side, by your side, so don't you

[MUSIC] Walk away I wanna share my whole life. Everything with you... It's all about you. Give me a second chance give me a second chance

[MUSIC] Something is wrong, Something ain't right. We gonna fix it, we gonna fix it. something is wrong, Something ain't right

[MUSIC] We gonna fix it, why don't we. . . Start over again. Maybe we should, start it all over again. . . Maybe we should

[MUSIC] Something is wrong, Something ain't right. We gonna fix it, we gonna fix it. something is wrong, Something ain't right

[MUSIC] We gonna fix it, yeah, why don't we. . . Start over again. I believe we should start it over again... yeeaahh. . .

[MUSIC] Something is wrong, Something ain't right. We gonna fix it, we gonna fix it. something is wrong, start over again

Abbey what's up with you now ehn?

You are either upsetting them or you are not turning up for appointments at all.

Three clients, three! You have no excuse; you don't have any excuse at all.

Brian, I know this is supposed to be my meal ticket right?

But there's no way, no way in this world that I'm dressing up like a dead man.

BRIAN: Dead man? ABBEY: Yes.

One of the ladies wanted me to dress up like her dead husband.

BRIAN: Ahh No, no ABBEY: Can you believe that?

ABBEY: That's a bad omen where I come from. BRIAN: That is bonkers, that's bonkers.

How about the remaining two then?

Well M-Maybe. . .

Okay, maybe I'm tired Brian, Maybe I don't want to do this anymore. Maybe I want out

Are you high or something? Are you high on some cheap drugs?

Ehn? Remember what I did to get you this job?

I know, I remember you don't need to remind me, okay?

Brian don't you sometimes wish for more? Think about it like you know wife, kids...

And-And feed them with what exactly? Feed them with what? Tell me.

I see you have a short memory so I'll remind you ehn?

BRIAN: Remember when- ABBEY: It's fine no need to go there

It's okay, it's okay I hear you and I know what you did to help me get this job okay? It's okay I'll do it.

Abbey I'm telling you now oh, one last goof and you're out for real.

I said I will do it nau okay I've heard.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello? Oh hi

Okay

Okay

It's Sylva.

BRIAN: Same Sylva? ABBEY: Yeah

You should be happy nau why are you so down?

She doesn't want Brian, she wants Abbey.

BRIAN: Ehn, same difference nau. ABBEY: No, no, no think about it,

I went in as Brian, now she wants Abbey.

Abbey look, get your head out of the clouds okay? It is just a job.

Coming

OBIORA: Aunty Hope! HOPE: Hey baby, how are you?

OBIORA: Fine. HOPE: You're such a big boy now.

You're pregnant?

Yes baby, twins

OBIORA: Dad! HARRY: Ahh. . . that's my boy. How are you?

OBIORA: Fine sir HARRY: How was your flight?

OBIORA: It was fine HARRY: Good boy

Welcome Ma.

Mom you are here.

MARGARET: Yes son HARRY: You're welcome.

I expected you at the Airport.

Erm, you know Hope is pregnant so I had to stay behind to supervise the new maid.

So is aunty Hope's husband here too?

Err yeah kind of, Yes

OBIORA: Kind of? What- MARGARET: I am famished son,

Okay, Okay MARGARET: I need food.

You, make sure you see to it that the guards bring in all my suitcases safe, alright?

Yes Ma

Obi! I've missed you.

How many?

Cold feet?

Do you want me to tag along?

Yes but well, no there's nothing I can't handle actually.

Are you sure? Do you want to talk about it?

It's just that I haven't spoken to him for the last six months and erm, I'm excited as I'm terrified.

ADAORA: What if he - ISABELLE: There are no what ifs

I'm sure he misses you as much as you miss him.

He thinks I'm the devil for walking away.

Then this is the right time for you to correct that impression. He asked for you to be present, didn't he?

Then go

ADAORA: What can I do without you? ISABELLE: Absolutely nothing. [LAUGHTER]. . . Come here.

ADAORA: Thank you ISABELLE: You're welcome

ADAORA: Why I have to run, by the way why is he not here? ISABELLE: Umm

[DOOR OPENS] FAITH: Good afternoon Madam, please who are you?

Move

Madam abeg...

Step aside.

[SOFT MUSIC]

Obi. . . Oh my God, come.

Hi baby

Obi

Come on. . .

I know it's been a while we spoke but then you wouldn't take my calls when I call you.

Can you talk to me please?

How have you been?

How is school?

Is school getting better? Is it getting worse, is it...

ADAORA: Obi?

HARRY: Obi

Adaora. . . So, you're here.

ADAORA: Hi Harry HARRY: How long have you been here?

I could forgive for a lot of things but poison a son's heart against his mother?

Too soon Adaora, too soon.

And Umm for what it's worth, you needed no help with the poisoning, that was all you.

Work over family every damn time.

Sure

I'm the villain who works so hard to put food on the table. Such evil woman, right?

Well my dear wife, ex-wife, See while you were busy putting food on the table, some of us were actually here bonding with our son

It's simple, you didn't just fail as a wife, but also as a mother. So, in case you're looking for someone to blame?

Look in the mirror hmm? Oh [Kisses] Welcome home.

[QUIET SOBBING]

[FOOTSTEPS]

Oh yeah, my favourite girl is here.

You look so young

Thank you, you flatterer.

You're welcome.

MARGARET: Thank you dear, do have your seat ADAORA: Thank you.

Can we share the grace please?

Hmm Saul is also among the prophets?

Bless this food oh Lord

A-Amen

I see my son misses home food.

MARGARET: Obiora? OBIORA: Mama?

Your mother just spoke to you now

She did?

Grandma usually makes this for me so not really, and please no more talking while we're eating, thank you.

HOPE: [CHUCKLES] Ow, I have footballers in here. . . Always kicking.

HOPE: Like father, like sons. HARRY: [CHUCKLES]

And hope this is not too early?

HOPE: Harry asked me to marry him. HARRY: Ah Ah, you shouldn't have said that nau

You two? Getting married? How? Why? When?

Erm look I actually I planned to...

This is too much! This is supposed to be the time for us to bond and heal. . . This is sick!

ADAORA: Obi, Obi HARRY: Obi? Obi!

[DOOR BELL]

Yes? Young man who are you?

ABBEY: Hi everyone, I'm actually here to see erm,

ADAORA: Oh Brian ABBEY: Yes,

ADAORA: Hi ABBEY: Hi

Oh my God Oh, mmm

ADAORA: How are you?

ABBEY: I'm good how are you? ADAORA: Oh I'm sorry, this is my fiance Brian.

Your what?

Well, let me settle him in and I'll be right back okay.

Easy, easy tiger

What in heaven's name are you doing here?

Well let me introduce myself properly, my name is Abbey. Abiodun Ifeanyichukwu Owolabi, Abbey for short.

I don't understand, are you a twin?

Well, it's a long story

Make it short.

Okay, my friend Brian was under the weather when your order first came in so I was sent to stand in for him.

Oh God this is the problem I have with this country, unprofessionalism! Do you realise I could sue?

Whoa

Anyway, I'm sure you've been briefed

ABBEY: Yes Ma'am ADAORA: Okay? For clarity sake it's my son's birthday tomorrow and it's a family affair so no stupid games.

You're here as my fiance, nothing more nothing less.

Yes Ma'am

I thought it was lady Sylva?

Oh, that was Brian, this is Abbey.

Adaora, just call me Adaora okay.

Yes Ma'am, is there any rule book I should know about?

ADAORA: Be careful ABBEY: Sorry Ma'am

I'll get my designer to fix you up okay, I mean if we're going to be selling this couple thing you might as well look the part.

Oh sorry, I should have been more proactive. I mean I'm a thousand dollars richer, you tip big.

Can you not refer to that? I was with Brian now with Abbey.

That's the wardrobe, get yourself ready and come down for lunch. ABBEY: Yes Ma'am!

Sorry erm lady Syl- Adaora, Adaora

Look will you stop all this pacing around and calm down, you're getting me all messed up.

I'm the one pregnant, and you are the one with the hormones?

HOPE: This woman gets married and we are doomed. HARRY: How so?

I don't, I don't, Okay but well if she's married, she might decide to stop paying maintenance money or...

Apply to gain custody of her son back. I don't know how these things work oh, but I don't feel good about it at all.

See ehn sometimes you make it sound as if I'm handicapped or something.

Are you not?

Really?

See this is not time for grammar but me and my children are not going to suffer, not even for one second.

So oga you have just one job, fix this!

[HISSES]

Disgrace to womanhood [HISS]

Excuse me?

Excuse you? Excuse you! A virtuous woman will be scared that she's about to lose her husband and a son but, in your case, no,

You brought another man into your son's house, messing around with him under the same roof as your son. . . Shame

[LAUGHTER]

Hi

Just saying hi.

Do I know you?

I'm Abbey, Abiodun Ifeanyichukwu Owolabi.

Abiodun Ifeanyichukwu?

ABBEY: Yeah I know, Igbo mother, Yoruba father OBIORA: Abbey is just fine.

So, new gardener?

ABBEY: Ouch! OBIORA: What? There is dignity in labour you know?

That's what my teacher always says. Me for instance, I want to be a judge when I grow up but sometimes, I work as a gardener in the states.

Wow so that means you must have lots of money then?

Just an extra piece of meat, that's all

Grandma is strict I tell ya. I hate it here; I mean I like it and I hate it all at once. The atmosphere is just so negative

Like it's sucking the life out of me. Why are adults so terrible?

Tell me about it, I'm still trying to figure that out myself.

So, who are you?

Well, I'm a business man and a friend of the family of course.

How come I don't know you? Dad's friend?

Um. . . Do you know how to play?

Do you want to learn?

So pretty much it's a game of focus right...

Abbey

Abbey?

Abbey

Brian you mean? He just stepped out.

What are you doing here?

No, no, no, no I'm fine standing. Tell me what is it you want?

I didn't know you like them young now, I mean muscles and all.

As against old and flabby?

HARRY: You know what I mean. ADAORA: You think you know me

I'm not the enemy here Ada

The enemy? Oh try the devil.

Well you know what they say, the devil you know is a better bait

Is there a reason you're here? My fiance is quite the jealous type.

We let a simple tear ruin a perfect dress.

It was never about love with Hope, she was just available. I mean I was lonely and she was there.

Good for you.

HARRY: I never stopped thinking about you Adaora not for a moment ADAORA: Harry, please!

Swear

Swear that you didn't miss me, miss us. I mean those precious moments we spent together, the beautiful life we built together,

I was your first. Your blood on those sheets still binds us together ADAORA: Harry!

I am not a character in your fiction.

There's still time to rebuild, we still find that which was lost. If for nothing for our son...

This thing we're doing is killing him.

Tomorrow is my birthday and it's strictly for my family but I could make room for you.

Wow tomorrow is your birthday, I didn't know that I would have gotten you a gift.

Well, you could invite your wife and kids on the condition they bring the latest video games.

ABBEY: Wow OBIORA: Grandma keeps trashing mine.

First a gardener, now a married man. I've made quite an impression right?

So... No wife, no kids. . . Any special one?

ABBEY: Obiora do you always ask this many questions? OBIORA: er sometimes...

ABBEY: Well, it's complicated OBIORA: Why does it always have to be complicated with adults?

Okay let me break it down for you, I think I've met the one or I know I've met the one but she just doesn't know that yet.

Sadly, she may never know.

OBIORA: Well, tell her ABBEY: It's complicated.

Ahhh that word again.

I like you.

OBIORA: Um what's there not to like?

ABBEY: Look at, you know what let's go inside and get something to eat okay...

The last I checked; you were getting married. Focus on that for a change.

HARRY: Do you love him? ADAORA: What has that got to do with anything?

It's a simple question, do you love him?

You know what, I won't push it okay but if he hurts you, know that I will still be here. The man you married...

The man who is ready and willing to push the world for you. I will always be here for you Adaora, anytime.

[LAUGHTER]

Okay that was funny, I didn't see that coming.

HARRY: What's so funny?

You won't get the joke dad; your friend is super cool. I'll be right back.

Sure, I'll be waiting.

My friend, Hm, is that the lie you told him? Brian or whatever your name is.

Abbey, Abiodun Ifeanyichukwu Owolabi, only my woman calls me Brian.

Abiodun Ifeanyichukwu, what kind of name is that one?

Yoruba father, Igbo mother.

See I don't really care whether you come from all the tribes in Nigeria just stay away from my son okay?

I know you are trying to warm your way up to him to win his mother's affection but it won't work.

Win his mother's affection really? Did you not hear when she mentioned that we are engaged?

And what's with the hostility? You're not her father, are you?

You must be very stupid

That's an interesting choice of word, stupid.

Brian, oh, Abbey hi are you ready?

Yes, always ready for you, my queen.

You look so good

ADAORA: Thank you ABBEY: Let's go.

See him holding her waist.

ABBEY: That’s a really expensive price for just mere fabric,

That's the equivalent of rent in Lekki.

ADAORA: That must be a very cheap apartment ABBEY: [Chuckles] Rich people.

Ehen, I met your son, an amazing young man.

Keep your distance from him.

Isn't it a little too late for that? Someone that's about to be my stepson.

You think this is a joke? Huh?

Ah ah I don't, what are you talking about? Okay wait so you think I'm a joke? So, am I a joke to you?

ABBEY: Drive yourself ADAORA: Abbey?

ADAORA: I could sue you for a breach of contract ABBEY: Knock yourself out okay?

ADAORA: I paid in full ABBEY: Then you will get your refund in full!

I don't understand, what has gotten over you all of a sudden?

You know what Since nobody will tell you let me tell you Adaora. You are the most disdainful person I've met in my entire life.

You are very condescending Adaora and I've met a lot of assholes in my life!

First you leave me a thousand dollars as tip, what for? Next you go ahead and order another escort really?

Now I'm too worthless and useless to talk to your son, your precious son but not too useless to roll in bed with you.

ABBEY: Hey! Hey!

ABBEY: Hey! Hey! Don't, don't, don't- be careful, this is called domestic violence.

Don't, don't, don't- be careful, this is called domestic violence.

I didn't ask you to be an escort. I just don't want any sex worker near my son period! ABBEY: Ha ha ha very good.

ADAORA: Okay, come on. . . I'm sorry. ABBEY: I didn't hear that.

Don't push it!

Don't push it.

Listen. . . I said I'm sorry. I'm sorry

ADAORA: Hey! ABBEY: What? What? What is it? What?

Honestly, I have never seen anyone who gets so worked up over a tip.

If you were a woman, I would have thought that that's the time of the month but hey...

ADAORA: I just wanted some form of gratitude and that's- ABBEY: I'm in love with you.

ADAORA: What?

Adaora, I know this is awkward and I'm a mess but I love you.

Okay easy now er...

I don't know where this is coming from but there's a restaurant somewhere around the corner, are you hungry? Can we go? Yes?

ABBEY: Yeah ADAORA: Let's go

It was supposed to be about work.

I mean I'm smart, or so I thought.

So the interview was supposed to be a walk in the park.

But interview after interview was the same thing, one story or the other.

Love was the last thing on my mind. But that day at Sylva Corp, just watching you leave... I felt brightness.

You literally took my breath away.

It was weird and real at the same time and I felt that way for a very long time.

ADAORA: So why didn't you say something? ABBEY: What? Did you just say something?

Adaora have you met yourself? You're terrifying

Abbey. . . I have baggage.

Name one person in this world that doesn't have a baggage. Everybody does.

I know I'm not in your league but I swear to you Adaora, I'm hard working and focused and I'm building capital.

I'm going to be that man that you are proud of.

Do you have a business plan? I could invest.

No, no, no Adaora please no I'm not that type of guy. I'm going to work hard for my money, make it and then take care of you.

That's how it's supposed to be.

Abbey you're charming, you're sweet. I on the other hand, I am damaged. . . this ship is never going to sail, I'm sorry.

Ouch okay I think, I think my heart just broke in a thousand places.

But it's okay, I understand.

I mean look at you. . . You're the type of woman that men like me only dream about, can only imagine to be with.

Pour your heart out they say. I just did and I got rejected, but at least I tried.

Abbey, I didn't exactly order for a different escort I still wanted Brian.

ABBEY: But? ADAORA: Well let's just say a friend of mine pointed out the obvious.

Getting sentimental about a date is a bad relationship recipe.

I don't want anything too deep

Dealing with a heartbreak is really tough and I don't think I will be able to survive the second one.

Adaora I will not. I'm not the type of guy who would take a privilege for granted.

I believe you no doubt. . .But then I'm flattered, Abbey, I'm so flattered you know? I mean having you cute, handsome,

ADAORA: Premium escort ABBEY: [CHUCKLES] Stop it.

I mean falling for someone like me...

ADAORA: I-I- I thought I'd lost it. ABBEY: What? you need to change your mirror

Harry wants me back . . . Yeah

Now do I love him? I don't know, maybe a part of me still does. Despite the bad blood between us, we had a great time together.

The devil you know is better right?

So now what's the guarantee that the next man would be better? Yeah.

And then my son, I miss him, I do. . . If getting back to Harry is going to fix the broken pieces between my son and I, then

I'm willing to give it a try.

Okay... Erm so what about the pregnant lady? How are you going to handle that?

Like I said Abbey, I have baggage, I'm sorry.

ABBEY: Let's eat ADAORA: Sure

ABBEY: Hey still up? It's past midnight OBIORA: Insomnia

ABBEY: Wanna play? OBIORA: For Sure

Harry, Harry!

[FOOTSTEPS]

You don't like a lot people here?

ABBEY: Even your mom? OBIORA: Especially her.

Wow. . . I would kill to have a Mom.

Is she really a mother? It has always all about work, work, work and work.

ABBEY: Hey, don't say that. OBIORA: What kind of mother abandons her only child?

ABBEY: Really? She did that? OBIORA: That's what my father said.

ABBEY: And you believe him? OBIORA: He's my father?

Yeah well I know he's your father but you at least have to hear her own side of the story.

She said she regrets having me. I heard it, my dad has it on record.

Hey, you said you wanted to be a judge right? Well one of the natural rules of justice is audi alteram partem.

What's that?

It's a Latin maxim, it means hear the other side or listen to the other side.

So before you sentence your Mom to evil witch jail, you should hear her side of the story okay?

At least that's what a good judge would do.

Come here let me show you how it's done

[ADLIBS]

[KNOCKING]

Who is it?

Harry!

Harry!

Where is he?

ADAORA: Is there any reason why he should be here? HOPE: Where is Harry?

[KNOCKING]

Madam what are you looking for? There's no one here Madam.

HOPE: [SCREAMS] Useless man! shameless thing. HARRY: Cool down, take it easy nau what is it!

She is leaving this house this night! You, pack your things and get out. Pack your things and get out! You're leaving this house

HOPE: She is leaving this house this night. HARRY: She's not going anywhere.

HOPE: If she does not leave, I'll leave HARRY: Suit yourself.

HOPE: Pack your things and get out of my house! FAITH: Which house? Is this your house?

[WAILING] God will judge you Harry God will judge you

OBIORA: Mom ADAORA: Yes?

Am I so bad that you regret having me?

Oh my God. . . Who said that?

I heard it, dad has it on record. You said you regret having a child with him.

Oh my world

Obi, I didn't say that and it wasn't about you. I mean how could I possibly regret the best part of me?

Your dad hurt me so much and I said to him that I wish I gave you a better father, that was what I meant.

I love you so much Obi...

Then why did you leave?

I didn't, they took you away from me... They lied to the court that I'm destructive and I'm unfit to take care of you.

I fought my boy, I fought so hard.

Then you should have fought harder. Why can't things just get back to the way they were? Why?

ADAORA: Baby listen,

OBIORA: I overheard Dad saying uncle Abbey wants to take us away from him. Is that true?

ADAORA: No, that's not true OBIORA: Well I hope so,

Dad is not really what he says he is.

ADAORA: Look he's still your father. OBIORA: I know, I'm just saying.

If you like uncle Abbey, it's fine.

How old are you again?

Listen. Nobody, nobody will ever take you away from me again. I will do whatever it takes to make sure you're with me, whatever.

I love you so much Obi. Come here

I love you Mom, I love you so much.

Are you alright?

What are you doing?

Trying not to blur the lines.

Oh come on Abbey there has been enough drama for one night please.

Good night.

ADAORA: Thank you ABBEY: For?

Whatever it is you said to my son.

You're welcome

Abbey please come to bed.

Abbey?

ADAORA: Abbey ABBEY: Hm?

ADAORA: Abbey please come to bed, please.

ABBEY: Are you sure? ADAORA: Yes

but not because I'm paying but because you want to.

You know I should actually be mad with that guy but all I feel for him right now is pity.

I mean what is wrong with men and their third leg?

Okay I have no idea what you're talking about.

Okay...

You know I'm an escort right? I'm really not the right person you should be asking this.

Yeah but then you've been in a relationship at some point in your life haven't you?

Once, in Uni

Did you love her?

ABBEY: She cooked the best meals. ADAORA: [LAUGHS] You're not serious honestly.

Then... Did you ever cheat on her?

ABBEY: Yes ADAORA: There you go, you see?

No, no, no but in my defence, we were in a relationship of convenience.

Thinking about it, I've never really been in love.

Until now.

Seeing you here really scared me you know?

Why?

I don't know

You know what, let's talk about something else.

ADAORA: Like? ABBEY? Anything, err...

Harry. . . How did he propose?

ADAORA: [LAUGHS] Harry. . . he proposed,

Ada, when is the best time to go and see your people?

ABBEY: [LAUGHS] It's a lie! ADAORA:I mean you think that as a writer he'd be creative but no

ADAORA: Perhaps that's why he's yet to blow.

ABBEY: [Laughing]No you didn't just say that, you didn't just ADAORA: God forgive me abeg please.

Well quite frankly, you're scary Adaora, the man didn't want to take chances.

But hey, who wants to be with someone who wouldn't take no for an answer?

Abbey?

Abbey!

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Obi. . . Happy birthday to you.

ADAORA: Hip hip hip! HURRY !

Now, let's cut your cake.

Obi now that you're thirteen what do you intend to do with your life now going forward, tell us.

Ah ah, what are you doing?

HARRY: [CLEARS THROAT] Ada, I am of all men most unfortunate

Because I had a priceless pearl in my hands but because of my lustful nature I destroyed it.

I spent all of last night thinking how I could fix this.

So what is this drama all about? I don't understand.

Do you know that yesterday before Hope left, she told me that the twins were not mine...

Can you imagine? She deceived us. That girl is an agent sent by the devil from the very pits of hell to destroy us.

But see ehn, there is no situation that cannot be fixed. For the sake of our son, we can make this work.

So...

FAITH: Sorry oh, they brought this for Madam and Obiora ADAORA: Oh wow

More gifts, more gifts coming your way.

OBIORA: Uncle Abbey! ADAORA: Really?

OBIORA: Yes, ADAORA: Wow let's see, let's see

HARRY: Er [CLEARS THROAT]

I'm still here.

Well Harry, as a rule . . .

I do not go back to my vomit.

Yup! I totally agree with that.

HARRY: You say? ADAORA: You heard me.

Wow. . . Wow, So because I made just one miss... - fine two mistakes

Because I made just two mistakes, you brand me as the devil?

Whereas the man who is making my wife and son smile like fools makes these mistakes for a living.

It's okay son, stop the embarrassment. Stop it

Embarrassment? Mom there's no way I'm going to allow a male prostitute anywhere near my son.

What?

MARGARET: Adaora? ADAORA: Ma?

Is it true?

She probably doesn't even know. Let's just say I just happen to find stumble upon his phone lying around somewhere,

where I saw his highly exclusive vlog.

Mummy, they call them Escorts these days. They sleep with rich and wealthy women for a living.

Oh dad please stop, uncle Abbey is not who you say he is. He's a business man, why do you always ruin everything?

Is that what he told you? Son I am your father and I will never lie to you okay?

It's either your mother now patronises male prostitutes or she is innocently marrying one without knowing it.

So, which one is it?

Mom tell him it's a lie, tell him

I rest my case.

Son? . . .Obi?

What is it? what is it?

Look, come I have your size oh, I have your size. If you think you can just come to my house and be - up and down,

I have your size and I will give it to you.

MARGARET: Calm down HARRY: How can she be? Come you can't- I have her size oh I'm sure this is the person leading her into all the rubbish she's doing.

MARGARET: It's alright son just calm down HARRY: And now she's [Hiss] for me? In my house?

Dude, you are still locked up in here? Omo this babe do you strong thing.

You see why I don't do this love thing? Shit messes you up.

Quiet, I'm about to close a major deal.

You are always about to close a major deal, when will you close an actual deal?

What are you doing to yourself?

I'm an entrepreneur who packages and sells business ideas for lots of money, why do you find that hard to believe?

Abbey ehn wake up, wake up.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hey my boy? I'm super excited, I'm about to close a major deal.

Wow, you owe me a new video game. ABBEY: You bet.

Still waiting for your response on Facebook. Anyway, guess who is outside your house?

ABBEY: Outside my house? OBIORA: Hurry, I don't want to stand here for too long

Stop. . .

Jesus Christ, Obiora how did you get here?

You gave me your address.

Obiora that was two weeks ago I didn't think you were going to actually show up. How did you get here?

OBIORA: Uber ABBEY: Alone?

With me.

I'm sorry

Listen Abbey, I've spent the last few weeks looking everywhere for you.

I don't know how it happened but I've done nothing but think about you since that morning.

Finding that money, I felt I had something that I'd lost.

Anybody hungry?

I'm famished . . . Come on.

[RnB MUSIC]

ABBEY: Yes! Yes! Yes! ADAORA: What? what?

Baby you're my lucky charm, I just made my first sale baby

ADAORA: This is amazing ABBEY: This is beyond amazing baby loot at this.

Congratulations, Abbey this is good news.

Babe I'm rich! Babe can you see the future? ADAORA: Huh?

ABBEY: The future, can you see the future? ADAORA: I'm not a fortune teller Mister what are you talking about?

Okay let me rephrase. . . Can you see somebody that looks like me, big head, rich, successful in the future?

Okay so you're telling me something, you need to be more clear.

We're rich! Rich!

Reports are made quarterly and at this quarter, this is where we are and I think we can improve better.

ABBEY: Adaora ADAORA: Abbey

Please, please just hear me out.

This belonged to my grandmother. It has been with me through thick and thin despite the urge to sell it.

I'm glad I didn't, it has finally found the befitting moment. Adaora I know you deserve better. In my quest for survival I've made many mistakes.

But in my many mistakes I found you. It's not by chance or accident, it is faith.

God choses to love and bless us regardless. Adaora please, I'm on my knees in front of every single person in this room right now

I'm begging for a chance, one chance to make you the happiest woman on earth.

Babe? Please marry me.

Who could have been better Abbey? Of course, yes

[CLAPPING] She said yes guys, she said yes

[POP MUSIC]